Chapter 18
Life Goes On.
I have decided to play doctor for a while. I have decided not to do the massages for my lymph nodes. The massages are supposed to retrain my body to drain the fluids in another direction. This clearly isn’t working, so after much net surfing I have decided to just work at the left side that’s damaged and take the fluid down the body instead of across. I have to say I think it’s working better this way! I have given up on my “Bandasnatch” (compression garment). I haven’t put it on in a week now and my arm feels better for it and it’s not so puffy. I will save him for when I travel on aeroplanes. The most exciting thing is that I can wear my wedding rings! I haven’t done that is such a long time. Even my clothes don’t seem as tight around my tummy. I am taking lasix (a diuretic) to help with reducing the puffiness. I’m only meant to take them for five days but this isn’t enough. I just seem to get down to an almost acceptable level and then I stop taking them and up comes the fluid again. This time I have continued them for over a week and I’m liking the results… Could this be the start of better things to come???
My fingers are still numb but my eyes don’t leak nearly as much as they have been, and the only down side is that I feel one of my finger nails starting to lift! Why now??? I just can’t believe it… This dastardly disease has taken my long hair, my perky boob, and my dignity amongst other things, and now it wants to claim my finger nails! Whats with that? I always look after my nails, haven’t I paid enough attention to them? Haven’t I always beautifully painted them with all sorts of weird and wonderful colours and designs? Loved and nurtured them… I’m at a loss… Just when do these drugs stop “nuking” everything in sight???
Time flies when your having fun.
It’s been two weeks now since Greg returned home. He has done the usual fix-its around the boat, all the bits that I managed to break or mame while he was gone. Even my beloved Gaggia has been saved from the great coffee machine dump in the sky. It’s great to have him home again, even if he is a bit messy… maybe a lot messy…
The Melbourne Cup has come and gone and as usual we had to put our once a year bet on. This year we also participated in the “Choices Melbourne Cup Luncheon”. Another great excuse to get all dressed up and spend some money for a worthy cause. What Cup Luncheon would be complete without the mandatory auctions, raffles, fashions on the field parades, and sweeps. Of course we participated in all of the above. Greg won one of the auctions while Jayne won the best basket of all in a raffle! A basket filled with Sirromet wines and lots of other goodies. She was the envy of all the participants, including me. I wanted to win something myself, I can’t remember the last time I had won a raffle. While this was all going through my wine soaked mind, Jayne turned to me and said “this is yours”, and handed me the basket. I must have looked dumb founded… I couldn’t believe she was giving me this beautiful basket. So with a very greatful hug and a kiss I took that basket as quickly as I could whilst trying to seem reluctant so she wouldn’t have time to change her mind!!! :-p… Yet again I realise what wonderful friends I have.
As we sat at our table soaking up the atmosphere, one of the girls running the event gave Greg a card and told him to hang on to it. The card said “Fashions on the Field, contestant 4, men’s”! The time came for the judging of the fashions on the field, (not that there was actually a field but we were in a marquee so close enough I guess)… Greg walked up with the other finalists... He looked so dapper in this silvery grey suite, mint green shirt teamed with a bright pink “Choices” tie and the piece that I think topped it all off, a “bookies” hat complete with a black and silver ribbon wound tightly around the crown. As he strutted up to the stage I thought to myself, he has to win this, he looked too good not to. The other guys had not made the effort Greg had. They all dressed in business suites without any colour. Just then Greg was handed a bag of goodies... He had won! My husband had won first prize in fashions on the field! How cool was that… I was so proud… On top of the Auctions, raffles, and fashion prizes Greg had also had backed first, second and third in private bets and he got second in the sweep, and I backed the winner… We really did clean up that day.
The last blast.
It is now time for my last radiation blast. The past five weeks have gone by so quickly. I am burnt, blistered and yes, bleeding… and very glad that it’s done. Apparently we now need to discuss hormones with Dr. Geoff! The next phase of my treatment!!! Sheesh!!! I was a little stunned to say the least because I thought that aside from the continuation of Herceptin every three weeks I was done. It would seem not! When I got home I called my friend Mr.google… God I love google! According to the “interweb”, I may have to do hormone therapy as well. That’s OK though, its seem relatively easy, pop a pill or two for a while… how hard can that be right??? I will keep you posted!
I have also used Mr.google to find me a plastic surgeon, well to try and dig up any dirt that may be hanging around on those suggested by people we’ve met who should know who’s good. I have made an appointment to see Dr. Anthony. The name sounds impressive and he googled ok! So in February we will meet face to face, check out some of his work (in photo form), and see if we like him. After all we only get one shot at making a partner for my remaining girl and it’s gotta be right. I’m sure in the meantime more plastics peeps will come highly recommended and me and Mr. google can check their credentials too!
Something else will kill me.
Greg took me up as his “co-pilot” in the Tecnam again the other day. I love flying, I love every aspect of it. I guess the biggest part is that I trust Greg’s ability to keep us up in the air, and return us safely to terra-firma when the time comes. I have read about cancer patients having to deal with anxiety. Apparently, they worry about the cancer coming back, they worry about it killing them. These thoughts have never entered my head! I finally asked Dr. Geoff the question I really didn’t want to ask as I had already made up my mind. I didn’t need another opinion, but it seemed that I should at least ask, “how will we know this has all done its job?”… His reply was just right… “we won’t… we just need to accept that it has and treat this whole event as being past” he also went on to say that if I wanted to I could live from test to test but that doing so would only tend to cause unnecessary stress and not affect the outcome. He said if there were any future events we’d deal with them as they arose. He’s said all along that “we are treating for a cure, this is not just a stop gap”… I was so relieved to hear that, his comment cemented my knowledge that I have chosen the right oncologist. He is my type of person. I didn’t want any more tests, I have already accepted that this job is done! Cancer will not kill me! I haven’t tormented you all enough by a long way! But back to where this was all heading... Coming in to land in a small plane is quite different to being in a passenger jet, and is a bit scary to say the least. Your sitting in the cockpit with the controls between your legs, you see everything including the ground coming at you at about 100km per hour, and it’s then you realize as your floating rapidly towards the ground, That is the idea after all, to get back on to the ground before you reach the end of the runway! This little bit of fiberglass, metal and plastic however is not going to provide much protection if your pilot misjudges the approach. I have never lived with the fear that any of my adventures could go wrong, but now I guess I have that fear. The fear that I have gone though all this horrible treatment that didn’t kill me, to destroy a cancer that didn’t kill me, only to be killed by one of my little adventures, or worse by someone else’s mistake. I’m sure I will continue to do crazy little things but doing them isn’t quite as easy as it was before... Onward and upward!
The hunt continues.
My mind is full… It’s full of what will I do, Full of where can we go? I want, no, I need a holiday. I have searched and searched and finally came up with “THE ONE” the break I need. A cruise. The dates are perfect, it falls in between Herceptin infusions, the price is right and I have finally got Greg interested. All that remained was to book it. Simple, on line booking… I had to strike while the iron was still red hot. Greg filled in the passenger details while I was getting ready for my rads appointment. The credit card number was typed in, the pay now button was pushed… Ahhhhhhhhhhh… But wait, “An error has occurred on the page”… What the??? We were given a number to ring and Greg rang it… A wave of disappointment came over me, I was gutted… We were not going, apparently the cruise was fully booked and that booking page is not in real time. I can’t begin to tell you how I feel. None of the other affordable cruises fit with the dates we have to work with so now the hunt continues. I’m starting to think that I will be back at work before something comes up and won’t be able to go because of work commitments. Either that or Greg won’t have enough work and we won’t be able to afford to go. I give up… I will leave it in Greg’s hands.
Ed:- … and he won’t let you down! MMMWWWAAAAHHH!!!