Chapter 3
Reality bites and it has no teeth.
It’s now 22 days into what I can only describe as the year of my life. I have to say, so far I am impressed. Every day I feel excited. I can’t really put a finger on it, all I know is that I’m excited about something. I look at things differently now, It’s one day at a time... I’m not stressed out and I don’t clench my teeth anymore at night when I sleep. I don’t even take my work worries home with me anymore. My hair still hurts but hey, that won’t be for much longer I wouldn’t think. I don’t feel sick... I’m not sick, despite what my medical certificate says. I have wonderful support around me with my family, friends, work mates and even complete strangers. Everyone has a tale to tell and I have time to listen. I’m remembering that life is far too important to be serious, and I love it.
Home alone.
It’s back to reality with Greg back at work for the next few days. I will now have to get my own brekky, and lunch, and even dinner for that matter. Greg has spoilt me over the last month with fresh ground coffee and fresh fruit salad every morning in bed... I’m going to miss that... I have four days of taste left before it’s taken away again by Pacman’s refuelling so I am going to make the most of it. I plan to have all my favourite foods in that time. Sheryl and Lee are down for their IVF treatment so if I can stay awake long enough I will have some company for dinner some nights. Talk about support, Sheryl and I both get injected the same day!... How’s that for friendship we are both supporting each other. I get my Pacman fuel designed to stop cell growth, and Sheryl gets all the things necessary to promote cell growth in the form of babies.
I’ve been topping up my flagging energy levels in the afternoons with lollies. I want to try and lay of the lollies a little but I find snakes in the afternoon are an absolute God send. They give me that little boost I need in the afternoon when I start to fade and could use a nana nap. I guess in a way they have replaced the nana nap. I have even thought of going for a little walk of a night when I get home from work, but we all know I’m spinning some absolute garbage now. Who am I kidding? Greg, I need a reality check please! Lol...
I’m still getting used to my new short hair, I still scare myself when I look in the mirror and use far too much shampoo and conditioner. I shouldn't complain because I know my new sporty hair cut is so very temporary. I don't think I will ever get used to be bald. I dread that day coming big time.
Debut.
Today was the day. Lucky it was Sunday coz I had more time to get ready for work. I jumped in the shower and started washing my hair. It was like a rabid dog had escaped into the bathroom, hair everywhere. It’s amazing how much I actually had, well, still have... It’s just not attached any more! . I looked in the mirror and I saw I have freckles, yes I know you all knew that but this is on my head. It’s kinda funny. I have a head that now looks like I have one of those streaking caps on with a few sparse locks evenly spaced all over. For you young'ns it's like foils only my hair hasn’t been brutally dragged through tiny little holes with a crochet hook. Today I can see the funny side. I even cracked up when I looked in the mirror. Putting my makeup on was a bit of a challenge too... Lol... Where does my face start and finish?... The frame has gone! For 46 years I thought I had a round face... but no, its actually oval!
I cannot get over how much I have learned about myself in the last month. I have to say I’m really looking forward to Greg coming home... One more sleep.
So it was then that Encounter made her debut... I’d never worn a wig before... I felt uncomfortable all day, she just didn’t seem to sit well, she looked good but it just wasn’t the same and whether or not anyone else noticed, I knew.
My second day with encounter wasn’t as bad as the first day. She seemed to grip on better. I guess it’s because the last of my hair is no longer in the way...I sat on the couch with the garbage at my feet and proceeded to pull my hair out. Adds new meaning to the phrase “pulling your hair out”. Wigs do take a bit of getting used to but it’s really not that bad not having to worry about bed hair or bad hair days. They just aren’t the most comfortable thing around. I knew I should have gotten used to wearing a hat as a child! I still need to get a little more off the fringe and I’m thinking something to keep the hair off my face. The whispy bits always seem to find their way into my mouth. My biggest fear is falling over or having an accident and my wig falling off. Weird thing is I don’t normally fall over, and if it did happen, I’d just stand up, pick up my hair, take a bow, and smile as I put it back on my head, then run like the devil is chasing me! I know I will get over that feeling in time, but I do have to look good. I already told you that...
It’s a short day at work today because of Australia Day, Miracles is going to make her debut. After all I normally would be at the Story Bridge Cockroach Races and that would be classed as being “out” and that’s what she is... The “out and about girl”.
Bucket list.
Turns out that it was so quiet at work we all went home early... I met Kahli and Brittany at the Cockroach races and after standing in the ATM line for about 20 minutes I purchased our beer tickets, and selected my cocky for race 12. It’s my 9th year at the races with never even a sniff at winning. 2010 is my year , I own it! My roach “Cock in Pink” came 2nd!!! I finally got to stand on the podium and accept a trophy... how proud did I feel!... That’s one more thing to strike off the ol’ “bucket list”... For those not familiar with the term, it’s a list of all the things I need to do before I “kick the bucket”, It’s something I have kept for years and is far more to do with living than dyeing! It’s a great concept if you think about it... An ever increasing list of “must do’s” that you just, eeerrrr, must do before you can’t! What an incentive to get off your bum and live!... I have no idea what I’m going to do with my trophy though... Lol...
I met another lady at the races that was going through the same stuff as me. Turns out she has the same Doctor at the same hospital and will be there for treatment tomorrow, the same as me... go figure.
It was nice to wake up with my Lobster next to me. As usual Greg got out of bed and started making me my fresh fruit salad but today there was a surprise... My surprise was “Kopi Luwak”! Again, for those who don’t know what that is, I would normally tell you to Google it but as I’m writing a story here and that wouldn’t be right. It’s an Indonesian coffee, apparently the most expensive in the world. The “Luwaks” (the local name for the Palm Civet, a small, wild, cat-like creature) select only the finest Arabica coffee cherries and gorge themselves on them at night. They can’t digest the bean but the digestive enzymes in the animal’s stomach add a unique character that can’t be duplicated by other methods. Anyway, after the “treated” beans are pooped out locals gather and clean them before they are roasted and packaged. Yes folks, that makes it Cat’s Bum Coffee! I feel you all cringing but ya gotta try these things... I bought Greg 50g of this exotic coffee for Christmas and today is the day we give it a whirl. It’s here, it’s here... Looks like coffee, smells like coffee... and the verdict... (drum roll please!)... Well, it’s different... I certainly wouldn’t pay $50 a cup however it is very good. No after taste, a little creamy possibly a bit earthy. In other words barn yardy... lol... Wow, that’s two bucket list items in as many days. It’s unusual that one item get crossed off in a year let alone two in two days. I’m thinking I need to go back and add more to the list again. Most of what’s on my list is to do with travel and that has been put on hold for a wee while so I’m looking for more to pad it out... I am still curious though... Who was the genius that first decided to try making coffee from cat turds???
Pac chips.
Treatment day arrived again. I’m pleased coz it means Pacman gets more ammunition and reinforcements. I know I must be a sick unit. We had an appointment with Dr. Geoff first and He was amazed and extremely pleased with what he saw. Both tumours have shrunk... A lot!... he could visibly see the improvement. We don’t know yet if the chemo will be extended to 6 treatments which would mean more reduction in size. Either way I’m not too fazed. Poor Greg is trying to explain stuff to me but I have my beer buzz on and I have no idea nor can I grasp any concept of what he may be banging on about.
I received an email from my gorgeous friend Stacy about the benefits of pawpaw tea in treating cancer. I quite like pawpaw (even though this stuff is made from leaves and branches and apparently tastes and smells vile) so I’m going to try it, after all can Pacman ever have too much help?
My pee is red again and my beer buzz is a little more intense this time. It still takes over 4 hours to inject all the different toxic substances. But all is great. Having the portacath is wonderful. All I felt was just a small amount of pressure that’s it. My nurse was Bianca this time. She kept laughing at me coz I was getting carried away with the games on my phone. Those games are so stressful! I can’t understand how anyone can enjoy this but I can’t put it down!!! Greg has created a monster! Lol... I just realised what I said, you already knew that though.
Its back to the 11 herbs and spices, my taste has gone, the ginger burns, my heart burn is back, Gaviscon and Quickeze are my new best friend and it’s back to being a slightly less perfect existence for a few days... Time to suck it up sunshine... we do after all have a very specific goal here. The 2nd day knocked me around a little more this time. Probably because my white cell count was very low and my treatment was given early in the evening, and 2 days early. I didn’t have time to adjust before I went to bed, so that meant I was up a lot getting rid of all the fluids they pumped into me.
The weekend is here and I was really looking forward to 2 days of just rest. Doing nothing for a change. It was then I was given a real treat. Kahli’s main squeeze or should I say only squeeze, Josh, has just been cruising the Fraser coast on his dad’s yacht and he returned bearing gifts, fruits of the sea... Big fruits of the sea... We scored a big ass muddy. Still alive and kickin’ and as full as they come! It was a very tight squeeze to fit in in my biggest stock pot. My imagination worked overtime to get some taste happening and it worked!!! Wow! it was magnificent. Thanks Josh.