Chapter 6
To Cut or Not to Cut.
Its all fun and games till someone loses a boob.
Its amazing the amount of people that have an opinion. The right opinion, The right way... The stories of mutilation, pain and regret. There is also the other side, the best thing they ever did, the peace of mind, the lets take them both… Everyone knows best and has the cure… I find I’m faced with a big decision and it’s one that is potentially life threatening if I get it wrong, and one that only I can make. It is my body, my temple, my life. My head is telling me I don’t need that boob even though I love my boobs, both of them… But after all I don’t need it to feed anyone, its just a big lump of fat, it cant hold a pencil, pour a beer or tell a story… Well, they do tell a story in a way! Lol… they are still perky at the age of 46! ( I know kids you didn’t need to hear that… ) Unlike a missing limb which is pretty hard to disguise I can hide the fact its gone to the outside world. Could this be my issue? What people will think? Surely not… I guess I am a Leo and image is everything… I am a vein little bugger. All I really want is to live the rest of my life without the fear of cancer and while I do believe in herbal therapies, I also believe in modern medicine. How can I be sure that either one is right? I still continue to take my herbal remedies, I’m not game to stop coz something is working and my Doctors are very happy with my progress. I’m still positive that they work in conjunction with the chemo… I now have a 5 week break before surgery, or not… Lol. I’m also looking forward to no chemo drugs fogging up my brain for a while but I know there is a long road ahead no matter what decision I come to. It’s now time to focus on the next phase, whatever that may be. Its times like this that I wish I had asked my mum more questions when she went through all this herself. She seemed to do it with ease with Dad’s help. My mum was a real trooper, a tough cookie, my hero… Perhaps I was just far too young to understand what was really going on…
Quiet excitement.
I am so excited about Perth. We have a paddock walk at the airfield on the Friday and hopefully we get to talk to Matty Hall. Greg is in email contact with him… Yes I’m name dropping now! He is the only Australian to compete at the Redbull Air Race. Greg and I have been following his progress for the last couple of years and are right behind Matt Hall Racing. We have also this year splurged out on grandstand seating to the main event. Not sure what I’m looking forward to most, the race or a WA lobster, mmm many WA lobsters! Those who know me well know that I would kill for the little crustations!... Look out Greg, a monster just may have been born!!! Actually it hasn’t just been born, its been around 40 plus years, but you knew that when you met me!... That and the fact I’m expensive!
Rollercoaster.
Its now 2 weeks after the last chemo top up and as if on cue, the heartburn, the headaches, the night sweats, the after math of the drugs like spots and hornets (sounds better than hemeroids and they do sting!) are all back. But I do have energy, lots of it… Its either the needle working building up my nuetraphils and white cells, or the phycological effect of knowing this was the last chemical interference for a little while. When I first started on this journey I was warned that it would be a rollercoast ride and how truly that bell tolls. I am still having second thoughts about surgery, it’s not that I don’t want it (well I don’t but I’ll accept it if necessary), it’s just that I would like to have it done by an artist with a scalpel not a cowboy with a chainsaw. Not that I think for one moment that the good professor is a cowboy but unless I get a second opinion, how do I know for sure??? So, we have spoken to a recently retired oncology nurse. She deciphered all my test results and explained them to me in “Lou speak”. At the very least I have a better understanding of what we are actually dealing with. Surgery is still on the cards because of the nature of the beast (or should I say breast), but we are going to seek another surgical opinion. The outcome will probably still be the same, but I want to feel comfortable with whomever I allow to slice and dice. Greg wrote an email to the surgeon to cancel the surgery with him. He’s also asked my Oncologist for a referral to another surgeon, and for Pet scan to assess the activity of the tumours. Apparently this will indicate if the tumours are still active, dying or dead. For me this will be important. If they are inactive I and a few scientific others can’t see the need for surgery as long as I have this monitored. I hear you all out there gasping… Its all ok... I won’t take chances on this. After all I have not tormented you all enough and I have many more chapters of Pacman and Me to write before I can turn it into a best seller!!! It does seem however that there is no evidence that having this major operation will reduce the likely hood of it returning. Because I have 2 of these little suckers, one at the bottom and the other towards the top of my boob, if they do spread one would go to the kidneys, liver and or overies, and the other would go to what’s left of my brain. Sucks a bit really but oh well, cant dwell on that now can we because they are in retreat and I’m gonna make sure they stay that way! Pacman is on the job!... And so the rollercoast continues... It’s a good thing I love rollercoasters, I squeal like a big girl and end up with no voice at all. Mmmm I just think a visit to one of the theme parks for a good scream is in order. And we can take Dylan, coz everyone knows if you take a child to these places you can get away with acting like a child yourself…
The get together.
Easter is nearly upon us and Greg and I have booked a 4 bedroom townhouse at Elanora on the Gold Coast. We knew before we booked that all 4 bedrooms would be filled with some of our kids… Probably most of them… They like coming to us coz they know they will be well fed and watered! It will be nice to sit around the lake just enjoying everyone’s company in comfort and not having to argue with any of them to do the washing up… Yes, there is a dishwasher in there. Getting all together for a weekend is something we haven’t done in a long time. The last time we all got together with sleep overs was Christmas and both Greg and I didn’t feel much like socializing coz we were hiding the horrible truth about the journey we were about to undertake. Not so this time round, all the cards are on the table and I feel great. We will have room to hide chocolate eggs from Dylan and watch him go on a hunt to find them all. Sitting by the pool and cooking on the barbeque while drinking wine will be the order of the day, every day, and with fishing and swimming at our doorstep what more could we ask. Not sure if we will take ol’ yella as yet. (Ol’ yella is our little 16ft half cabin runabout). It would mean we would have to take the Mu and not Astrid and we are not sure if there is any room to park the boat. I guess a simple phone call would answer that question. Maybe we could take the wind surfer??? We could see who can actually stand up on this contraption! Ahh the glory of toys! More decisions, at least these are all happy ones… Yet again I’m excited!!!